Only good news :) See Carol, back to rainbows and kittens

This is just an update on my organized chaos. My foot is a bit better. My ankle isn't the size of a softball anymore. I call that progress! At least I didn't have to go to the Dr. :) Yet.
I went and put my things in my station today. My station. Not to be shared with anyone else! MINE! Sorry, my 5 yr old self slipped out for a second. I can leave my things untouched in my station and not have to worry about anything getting stolen. So nice. I trust the girls I am with so much. We have locks on the stations but I can't imagine wanting or needing to use them. I know that may sound like small taters to some but to me it's big time to be able to trust the ones around me. I am not quick to trust people to begin with. It's just nice.
I can't wait to start at work on Tuesday. My first customers in my new world are three of my biggest supporters and friends. My Mom, my sister Deborah and my best friend Becky. I am so stoked for them to see the new place. I am so stoked for ALL of you blogerotsky to see the new place!
I am still a bit scared about things but I am a happier person. I have 5 12hr days to look forward to this week. I will be so tired but yet still so happy. It is my choice to work those long hrs to get my customers from the previous week in. No one is making me do it. I care so much about my clients that I hated to make them even wait a week to get in. They may never know how important they are to me and not just for the money (although I do enjoy money!). I hope that this new salon will give me a chance to get to know them even better. There won't be so many distractions and I will be able to focus so much better on the client and give them the customer service they deserve.
I also have to give props to my poor husband. Garry has been so patient and loving to me through all of this. I have been an insane crazy person (I know, redundant but I was that bad!)for the past few months leading up to this. Actually this past year I have been snippy with the world but mostly to him. I knew I needed a change and he encouaged me to make it but I wasn't sure enough of myself to do it. I can't imagine how much it has drove him nutty with my constant complaining about work and then doing nothing about it. So, I have finally done something about it and he has hung in there the whole time lifting me up and keeping my eyes focused on the prize. He's a good guy :)
Grace has been practicing answering the phone for when she gets to hang out at the shop with me. She has informed me that when she is 10 she will be old enough to answer the phone there and I will have to pay her $5 a day. Darn those pesky child labor laws! She is excited for me too. She is most excited because I won't have to miss out on any of the special events in her life anymore. That is more precious to me then anything else in this whole deal. I don't have to look into that little face and tell her I can't be at something. I am taking off a Tuesday to pick her up at camp and I just switched those people to Monday instead. I could have never done that before.
You guys are going to get so sick of me gushing about how much I love my job. I just pray that everyone I know can feel this way about their job and love what they do.

At least Grace didn't get that hurt :)

We got new bikes! I wrecked my new bike! I jacked up my ankle! It really sucks! LOL I think we had the bikes for a total of 10 minutes. Ok, maybe 15 minutes. We took the bikes out around a few blocks to ride with Grace. She weaved over and stopped right in front of me. There was no way I could stop. If I would have swerved I would have taken her out big time. So I tried to jump off and push her out of the way of the bike. She ended up with only a skinned knee but, I really thought for a moment that my foot was broken. Garry had to pick me up. It wasn't pretty. I was laying there on the ground trying to get to her and not being able to get up and Garry is yelling at me to just get up lol. I made him take her home and I hobbled two blocks home clutching the bike for support. I made it. My ankle is going to be even more angry in the morning. I hate it because I am off until Tuesday and I really wanted to do some fun stuff with Grace. Not now. I have to be better by Tuesday. I refuse to have it any other way. I will be working 5 twelve hour days that week. Grrr @ accidents. I feel so thankful that Grace only has a skinned knee. All I could think about when I was pushing her towards the grass was that we forgot her helmet! If anything would have happened to her I would have never forgiven myself. She feels so bad about my foot. Poor thing. It really wasn't her fault. I should have been watching closer I guess. Accidents happen. I tried to tell her that but she isn't having any of it. She is so much like me in that way. She feels guilt whether it is her fault or not. I guess my ankle will go right along with the trimmer I have acquired in my left hand, my left pinky actually. It started Tuesday during the day of Hell on earth and for some reason it is still hanging out. I guess that is what happens when you have a mental break down. It must take a few days for the shakes to go away. My poor body! I think I may need to invest in a bubble for myself. You will visit me in my bubble right?

Change

I gave my notice at J.C. Penney's on Tuesday. I wasn't so very surprised that they told me that I wouldn't be allowed to finish out the week there. That wouldn't be so bad if I had somewhere to do my clients for the rest of the week. The new salon won't be done until this coming Tuesday. I am hoping that my customers this week understand that I have no control over this and will change appointment times for next week when I can. I am already booked at my normal times and I am going to have to work day and night (literally) to get everyone in. I don't mind this. I love my clients and I don't want them to be upset.
It was a pretty bad deal and I can't even begin to tell you how mad my salon manager was. I can truely say that at that moment she hated us. Us is the 5 girls that are leaving together. I have never seen that kind of hate on anyone's face before. It was terrifying. I have said I hated this or that and I have even said I have hated a person or two before. The truth is until that very moment I didn't know what hate was. I can tell you that I have NEVER hated anyone or anything ever. I may have been uncomfortable with a situation or not liked someone, but I have never had that searing type of hate that would make it shine through my eyes like that. I hope to never have anyone look at me that way again. I tried to handle the situation in a mature manner and with God's love. I could feel my friends and family lifting me up in prayer that day. I have been prayed for before, but this was different. I could FEEL them praying for me. I felt the strength that God gave me to say the words that where kind when I wanted to lash out and be mean. HE gave me the will and strength to stay for my whole shift till 9 at night when the other girls couldn't take it anymore and left forever. I had so many people ask me how I could take staying there after the things that where said to me and done to me. The only answer that I could give them was prayer. I told them that God gave me the strength and that I couldn't have done it with out him. Even though my boss said some pretty hateful and awful things to me I forgive her. I forgive her with all my heart. I realized how different I am than just a year ago because I think me a year ago woulnd't be ready so soon. I feel bad for her and I still want to extend the hand of friendship if she will ever have it again. I know it won't ever be like it was. I just don't want her to feel like I don't care about her. Sometimes people say things that they think they mean at the time. Later on down the line they regret what they said. I don't want her to live a life of regret. I already forgive her for it. If there was anyway I could have made this easier for her I would have. As it is we did it the hard way. If we would have waited until the day before the shop opened to insure we got to work this week she would have had to scramble to get the schedule taken care of. Actually there wouldn't have been any way. None of us wanted to leave her in a mess. It was going to be a mess for her no matter what, but we wanted to leave as little of a scar as possible on that wound.
I hugged my co-workers that worked with me that night and left that place for the last time. It was hard. Really hard. So much harder than I thought it would be. I was there almost 12 years of my life. I am 30. That is just shy of half my life. WOW. I know. (I say it louder, lol). I have so much ahead of me and it is hard to not look at what I am leaving behind. I am scared. So very scared. If I fale it doesn't just affect me. If I fale my whole family suffers. I have been told that I will never make it, I have to.
The new salon name is Dimensions. It is located in the old Zanders building on Hart street in Vincennes. The number for the shop is 895-0795. My new home away from home. Come by next week and see my new duds. It is going to blow your soxs off how cool it is. Andrea (the owner) has such neat taste in decor. I can't wait for you all to see it!
I have to send a special shout out to Carol who I know is one of my blog stalkers. She came into my little personal hell when I really needed a friend and helped me more than she will ever know. I needed a friendly face and I guess God knew that. She called for an appointment RIGHT after the girl that was there called to cancell. God is good all the time. Thank you Carol. Thank you to Becky too who I called when I got home and rehashed the whole awful day. She is so patient with me. I really don't think she got a word in the whole conversation. Thank you to everyone else who reads this that I know lifted me up in prayer that day. I felt your words and kindness.
I have to add that my boss called me early this morning to tell me she was sorry and that she does wish me the best and I got a chance to tell her that I forgive her. That was really nice to be able to tell her. It would have been enough for me to know that I do. It was a blessing to get to tell her. I hope she knows that I really meant my words and that I wish her well too. Please lift her up in your prayers too. She really will be going through a lot in the next few months. I also feel bad for those left behind at Penney's it is going to be bad for them too. Keep them in mind also.
I am so excited for my new life of wearing flip flops and jeans to work if I want, taking Grace to work with me if I need to, changing my day off if I want, and just having less stress in my life. Thank God for change. (never thought I would ever say that!)

tardy not absent

I have started a blog at least 6 times in the past few days and then ended up deleting them all. So, better late than never. I have been lurking and stalking the rest of you but I just can't put down what's "going down" around my his-ouse (that is a fun word to say) right now. Two weeks or so and I am going to blog a blog to beat all blogs. Until then I may only be a spectator for a while. So, write something fun and interesting to read while I lurk in the shadows. I know I promise rainbows and kittens and you got Murky instead of Rainbow Bright. I guess I am a fibber :) Have a nice week!

Funk

Not the "won't you take me to funky town?" funk. Not the "ew that shoe smells funky" funk. (Or there is something funky on the Taco/Chicken floor kind of funk). Not even "she dresses so funky" funk. Nope none of the above. It's the dreaded "down in the dumps needing a big change" funk. The "you just have to get to know her" funk. The "change is scary" funk. The "my grandmother is dying a slow painful death" funk. The "no sleeping...ever" funk. The "the stupid dog won't stop doing his business in the floor" funk. The "nothing is ever good enough" funk. Sorry loyal blog readers for the ever so funky blog. Promise to be a bit more rainbows and sunshine next time (maybe I'll toss in some kittens too, heaven knows that Thomas has enough of my grand kittens to go around) :) Thanks for reading!

YOU'RE 30?!!

What is so wrong with being 30? I tell people I am 30 and they always say, "Oh you don't look 30", like I am supposed to be flattered. I know they mean well, but really what is so wrong with being 30 and looking 30? I think I look 30 and I don't mind it a bit. This happened to me today where how old I am came up and of course I tell them because I don't care that I am 30. People act like being older is a disease or something. It really makes me laugh. The girl that asked me that acted like she gave me a huge compliment by telling me I don't look it. She actually said, "I made your day now!" Ummm. The only thing you did was make me laugh. I told her, "No not really I don't mind being 30. It is better than being dead." She didn't know what to say to that. She was silent for a long time and then mummbled "I guess that is a good way to look at it". Yea for being 30 and yea for growing up and yea for not being dead lol :)

Thank heaven for little girls.

I wish I was as good with words as some of my fellow bloggers. Trust me, I have a ton of thoughts and ideas swimming around in my noggin. I just don't know how to get em out of the water! Pool check! Everyone out! It doesn't work for me that way. Oh well, here it goes anyway.
With Mother's day right around the corner I have thought a lot about what kind of Mother I am and what kind I would like to be. I love my Grace. She is my light and my life. I thank God for giving her to me even though at the time I was proclaiming to never want any ankle biters. He knows what is best :) I never had this yearning to have a child like a lot of other women. I could hold a baby and be like "yep nice baby" and then give it back unchanged. I wasn't one of those that just HAD to have children or my life would be over. Boy am I glad God knew better! Garry's dad had just died in a house fire and two weeks later we found out I was pregant. It was a surprise. I was pregnant when he died and didn't know it. I was so sick that day and thought it was just my migrains. It was little Grace letting me know she was there! She teaches me something every day. In a lot of ways she is so much like me. I see myself in so many things that she says and does. I think that may be why we clash so often. She is stubborn like me and she always has to get the last word in just like me. She is so much more sensitive than I am though. She wears her heart on her sleeve. In ways that is not such a good thing but in others it is wonderful. She cares so much. I admire that in her :) She is so brave and yet so tender at heart. She stands up to me and I know that is hard to do. I don't mean to be but sometimes I can be scary and let my temper go. Sometimes I am so hard on her and she still loves me no matter what. I hope that when she is older and looks back on her childhood she will feel loved and feel like she had a pretty good time. It is an amazing responsibility to raise a child and make sure they have morals and the love of Christ in their life. I pray that I am doing the right things by Grace and that she grows up a happy and healthy girl with confidence to do what she is called to do in life. I will always be there to pick her up in case she falls (or runs her swing into a tree). I will be there to support her and guide her in whatever she decides to do in life. I love that I have the honor of being that wonderful little angel's Mommy. I truely thank God for her every day.